Advice or Permission?

The only person’s permission you need to live your dreams is your own. ― Mastin Kipp, Institute Success.

Advice or Permission?

Recently I coached a young woman struggling with the challenge of leaving her career to pursue a work-for-yourself option. She was upset saying she wanted support and encouragement from me – her coach.

As I listened to her struggle about how her family and culture were very critical of her desire to change career direction, I was present remaining focused, observant, empathetic and responsive to her and her strong emotions. This is how I encourage and support my clients with presence. Resisting taking on the role of cheerleader or assuring her that she has my support.

It occurred to me after asking ‘What would my support do for her?’ that it sounded like she wanted permission rather than advice to walk away from the expectations of others and pursue a more meaningful work life.

When this happens, you can help your client realize that their fear of disappointing others or being judged might irrelevant or unrealistic. If my client says, “I just want you to give me permission,” I might have responded, “It seems as though this is about giving yourself permission. What difference would it make if I give you permission?”

As Master Coach Marion Franklin, author of The Heart of Laser -focused Coaching points out, “…most often your focus should be on getting your client to give themselves permission, allowing them to discuss their impending decision and ask what it is they would really love to do if there were no consequences. That usually helps them realize that it makes sense to go ahead. The result is that they grant their own permission, a far more empowered position for them. “

The next time a client asks for your advice, opinion, or recommendation, listen carefully. Do they know what they want but are having trouble giving themselves permission to go for it.

Mentor Coaching Groups – space is available!

Are you preparing for your first or next ICF credential?

Or renewing a credential?

Need mentor hours to meet ICF requirements?

Join the current Thursday groups 8amET

I will open Wednesdays at 2pmET when I have 4 or more sign ups.

My Mentor Coaching Program is ICF accredited for 7 hours of group and 1-1 mentor sessions
(you can also opt for 12 CCEs).

Email me at [email protected] for further information and fee options. 

International Coaching Federation - ACC Pilot Exam 

For a limited time beginning January 2024, ACC candidates approved to sit for the written exam as part of their credentialing journey will have the option to take a new ACC Pilot Exam instead of the ICF Credentialing Exam. By participating in this pilot exam, ACC candidates will help shape the future of the ACC credentialing process.

For further information on the ACC Pilot Exam head to

https://coachingfederation.org/credentials-and-standards/acc-pilot-exam.