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How to use the Drama Triangle in Coaching

Oct 17, 2024

The Drama Triangle is a psychological model that describes unhealthy relationship dynamics, often seen in conflicts or stressful interactions. It was developed by Stephen Karpman and consists of three roles:

  • Victim: This person feels powerless, blames others for their problems, and believes they can't do anything to change their situation.
  • Persecutor: This person criticizes, blames, or attacks others, often putting the Victim down. They feel superior but don't offer solutions.
  • Rescuer: This person steps in to "save" the Victim, taking responsibility for fixing their problems, but in doing so, they reinforce the Victim's helplessness.

This person steps in to "save" the Victim, taking responsibility for fixing their problems, but in doing so, they reinforce the Victim's helplessness.

The goal is to break free from this dynamic by becoming more self-aware and moving toward healthier interactions, such as taking responsibility, offering support without rescuing, and addressing conflicts constructively.

Even without explicitly referencing the Drama Triangle, a coach can use powerful, reflective questions to help clients recognize these unproductive patterns of behavior and guide them toward more empowered ways of thinking and acting.

Here are some coaching questions that encourage clients to explore their situations, roles, and possible shifts in perspective:

  1. Exploring the Current Situation
    • "What’s the main challenge you're facing right now?"
    • "How do you feel about the situation? What emotions are coming up for you?"
    • "What are you most focused on in this situation?"
    • "How are you contributing to this challenge, either directly or indirectly?"
  2. Reflecting on Personal Responsibility
    • "What part of this situation is within your control?"
    • "What can you take responsibility for in this situation?"
    • "If you could change one thing about how you’re handling this, what would it be?"
    • "In what ways might you be giving away your power here?"
  3. Challenging Limiting Beliefs
    • "What assumptions are you making about this situation?"
    • “What might be a belief or story you're holding onto that's keeping you stuck?"
    • "What might be possible if you let go of that belief?"
    • "How could you reframe your thoughts about this challenge?"
  4. Shifting Perspective
    • "How would you view this situation if you were looking at it from someone else’s point of view?"
    • "What do you think the other person involved in this situation might be feeling or thinking?"
    • "What advice would you give to a friend who was facing this same situation?"
    • "If you were to step back and look at the big picture, how does this situation fit into your larger goals or life vision?"
  5. Exploring Patterns of Behavior
    • "Have you experienced similar situations before? What role did you play then?"
    • "What do you notice about your typical response when you face challenges like this?"
    • "Is this a familiar pattern for you? How do you typically react in these kinds of situations?"
    • "What impact do your reactions have on the situation and those around you?"
  6. Encouraging Self-Empowerment
    • "What strengths or resources do you have that could help you navigate this situation?"
    • "What would it look like for you to take the lead in resolving this?"
    • "If you could take one small action today to move forward, what would it be?"
    • "What would it feel like to step into your power here? What would be different?"
  7. Exploring Communication and Boundaries
    • "How have you communicated your needs or concerns in this situation?"
    • "What might be missing from your communication with others?"
    • "What boundaries might you need to set to protect your time, energy, or emotional well-being?"
    • "How could you approach this conversation differently to create a better outcome?"
    • "What would happen if you focused only on what you can control?"
  8. Moving Toward Solutions
    • "What would an ideal outcome look like for you in this situation?"
    • "What would an ideal outcome look like for you in this situation?"
    • "What resources or support do you need to make progress?"
    • "What’s the first small step you can take right now to improve the situation?"
  9. Creating Accountability
    • "What actions are you willing to commit to taking?"
    • "How will you hold yourself accountable for making these changes?"
    • "How will you hold yourself accountable for making these changes?"
    • "What might stand in your way, and how can you prepare for those obstacles?"
  10. Reflecting on Growth
    • "What have you learned about yourself through this situation?"
    • "How could this challenge contribute to your personal growth?"
    • "How would handling this differently help you grow as a person?"
    • "In what ways could resolving this situation positively impact other areas of your life?"
    • "What would your future self thank you for doing in this situation?"
    • "How would resolving this situation affect your future?"
    • "If you were free from this situation, what new possibilities might open up for you?"
    • "How could this experience shape your approach to similar challenges in the future?"

These questions help clients reflect on their behaviors and beliefs, recognize patterns that may be keeping them stuck, and move toward empowered action, all without the need for introducing the Drama Triangle explicitly. The focus is on fostering self-awareness, ownership, and personal agency, which are key to breaking free from unhelpful dynamics.